Mark, this is one of the most beautiful and powerful posts I’ve read in a long time. There’s a lot to unpack, but let me start by congratulating you on 31 years of sobriety, a birthday truly worth celebrating.
Your post touched me deeply because alcohol, and the way it can quietly take hold of a life, has been on my mind for a long time. I’m a late Baby Boomer, or maybe an early Gen X’er, and in my generation, as well as my parents’, alcohol is deeply normalized, even romanticized. We tell stories of wild nights as if they’re badges of honour. We laugh about summers where no one remembers how the night ended. And most dangerously, we convince ourselves we can still drive after several drinks.
I played along too, until a colleague of mine slipped into a coma after a binge. He made up a story at first, but eventually confided in me. What struck me most was how familiar his road to that moment felt. It made me realise how subtly alcohol, and drugs, can take control of your life before you even notice.
His story has a good ending: he got sober and stayed sober. But it stayed with me.
Ten months ago, my husband Marc also stopped drinking. He’d lost his job and decided to reorient his life completely, going back to school for something entirely new. He wanted to give it everything he had, and that meant getting proper sleep, every night. So, from one day to the next, he stopped drinking.
At first, his plan was to stay sober until the end of his first-year exams. But when we decided to visit his father in Spain over the summer (we are here now), a trip usually full of big family gatherings and lots of wine, he announced he wouldn't restart drinking alcohol. I couldn’t be prouder. And honestly, I’m seriously thinking of following his example.
We were never what you’d call problem drinkers. Weekend evenings, a pre-dinner apéritif, a glass or two of wine at dinner, that was our norm. But during a long stretch at home after Marc lost his job, we noticed how easily that “norm” could slide into something else. And we’ve seen it in our friends and family too, the way alcohol is treated as essential, expected.
Here in Spain, we’ve seen how people react to Marc’s sobriety: surprise, disbelief, even mockery. “Not even one glass?” they ask. “Come on, what harm can it do?” They don’t mean any harm, but it's not ok. Only yesterday, I told him how upsetting it is to watch people you love not fully understand your choice.
As for me, I still drink occasionally, a single glass, and never when it’s just the two of us. But those sober months I’ve tried (during the past year) have shown me how good it feels on the other side: clearer, healthier, lighter. And I’m more convinced than ever that a life without alcohol could be better.
So thank you, Mark. Your post didn’t just resonate, it affirmed what I’ve been feeling. You reminded me that there’s strength in the choice to live differently, and that sharing your story can have a bigger impact than you know.
Thanks for reading Pe, and for your beautiful and thoughtful comment. Where I grew up (Bermuda) alcohol use and abuse is SOO normalized. I was in the bars from sixteen years old and nobody really batted an eyelid. People seem immune to the fact that drinking and driving remains rampant despite the dozen or so road traffic fatalities every year. There is still the expectation that everyone drinks and while people may no longer ridicule there are still quite often questions asked about why you’re not drinking.
For me, I was drinking alcoholically from day one. Blackouts were par for the course and I pretty much drank to get smashed. But the vast majority of people I meet in recovery weren’t like that. At some point they crossed an invisible line where what seemed to be “normal” drinking became something more than just a habit, to the point that it began introducing unmanageability into their lives and then they found it difficult to stop entirely.
It’s so great that your husband decided to stop drinking altogether. I’ve heard similar stories from so many people over the years. They weren’t alcoholics (maybe they were in that path, maybe they weren’t, who knows) but for whatever reason they decided to stop and after weeks or months they felt so much better for not drinking that they decided to stay stopped.
I’ll never judge anyone for drinking but I’m always happy for people who’ve decided to stop and have found their lives improved as a result.
This was beautiful! First off, huge congratulations on your sobriety anniversary. I can only begin to imagine the amount of passion and hard work you must have put and continue to put into this achievement.
I knew the band but I didn't know the song. I loved the melody, and the timing of those lyrics couldn't have been better for you considering what you were going through at the time.
Thank you for sharing your story and those of others, for opening up in the way you did and for encouraging so many others who may be going through tough times.
Sorry for my delay in responding, I'm falling behind on my Substack reading a bit and trying to play catchup. Thanks for the congratulations, definitely a big milestone for me. And thanks for your consistent engagement with my writing here, I really appreciate it.
Powerful post, Mark. Vulnerable and so well-written. I am so incredibly proud of you and grateful for your willingness to change and to shoulder the responsibility. I can't imagine my life if you hadn't made it to 30! You inspire me always.
Thanks Al, I appreciate you reading and the kind words. I'm so glad I made it to 30 (and beyond!) and am grateful for our relationship. Not all siblings share such a blessing as we do. Love you
Mark, thank you for sharing so much of yourself here. And congratulations on 31 years sober! Wishing you another 31 at a start.
Regarding your musical questions... yes, I'm familiar with and adore Blues Traveler's album "four". The album is packed with great tracks for me and I'm terrible at choosing and sticking with favorites, so the best I can say is "Just Wait" is usually in my top three. You mentioned your fondness for the track on my sole Blues Traveler post to date: https://musicoftheday.substack.com/p/2-dec-24-blues-traveler-the-mountains-win-again/
Thanks for reading and commenting Jackie, I appreciate it! And thanks for your congratulations and well wishes.
Despite there being half a dozen great tracks on Four, it’s not an album I go back to regularly outside of “Just Wait”, which gets played a lot as it’s on my favorite songs playlist.
I remember that post on Big Naked and I remember really enjoying the song. I like your subtle but powerful change to the lyrics - vey much a progress not perfection feeling to that change.
Mark, this is one of the most beautiful and powerful posts I’ve read in a long time. There’s a lot to unpack, but let me start by congratulating you on 31 years of sobriety, a birthday truly worth celebrating.
Your post touched me deeply because alcohol, and the way it can quietly take hold of a life, has been on my mind for a long time. I’m a late Baby Boomer, or maybe an early Gen X’er, and in my generation, as well as my parents’, alcohol is deeply normalized, even romanticized. We tell stories of wild nights as if they’re badges of honour. We laugh about summers where no one remembers how the night ended. And most dangerously, we convince ourselves we can still drive after several drinks.
I played along too, until a colleague of mine slipped into a coma after a binge. He made up a story at first, but eventually confided in me. What struck me most was how familiar his road to that moment felt. It made me realise how subtly alcohol, and drugs, can take control of your life before you even notice.
His story has a good ending: he got sober and stayed sober. But it stayed with me.
Ten months ago, my husband Marc also stopped drinking. He’d lost his job and decided to reorient his life completely, going back to school for something entirely new. He wanted to give it everything he had, and that meant getting proper sleep, every night. So, from one day to the next, he stopped drinking.
At first, his plan was to stay sober until the end of his first-year exams. But when we decided to visit his father in Spain over the summer (we are here now), a trip usually full of big family gatherings and lots of wine, he announced he wouldn't restart drinking alcohol. I couldn’t be prouder. And honestly, I’m seriously thinking of following his example.
We were never what you’d call problem drinkers. Weekend evenings, a pre-dinner apéritif, a glass or two of wine at dinner, that was our norm. But during a long stretch at home after Marc lost his job, we noticed how easily that “norm” could slide into something else. And we’ve seen it in our friends and family too, the way alcohol is treated as essential, expected.
Here in Spain, we’ve seen how people react to Marc’s sobriety: surprise, disbelief, even mockery. “Not even one glass?” they ask. “Come on, what harm can it do?” They don’t mean any harm, but it's not ok. Only yesterday, I told him how upsetting it is to watch people you love not fully understand your choice.
As for me, I still drink occasionally, a single glass, and never when it’s just the two of us. But those sober months I’ve tried (during the past year) have shown me how good it feels on the other side: clearer, healthier, lighter. And I’m more convinced than ever that a life without alcohol could be better.
So thank you, Mark. Your post didn’t just resonate, it affirmed what I’ve been feeling. You reminded me that there’s strength in the choice to live differently, and that sharing your story can have a bigger impact than you know.
Thanks for reading Pe, and for your beautiful and thoughtful comment. Where I grew up (Bermuda) alcohol use and abuse is SOO normalized. I was in the bars from sixteen years old and nobody really batted an eyelid. People seem immune to the fact that drinking and driving remains rampant despite the dozen or so road traffic fatalities every year. There is still the expectation that everyone drinks and while people may no longer ridicule there are still quite often questions asked about why you’re not drinking.
For me, I was drinking alcoholically from day one. Blackouts were par for the course and I pretty much drank to get smashed. But the vast majority of people I meet in recovery weren’t like that. At some point they crossed an invisible line where what seemed to be “normal” drinking became something more than just a habit, to the point that it began introducing unmanageability into their lives and then they found it difficult to stop entirely.
It’s so great that your husband decided to stop drinking altogether. I’ve heard similar stories from so many people over the years. They weren’t alcoholics (maybe they were in that path, maybe they weren’t, who knows) but for whatever reason they decided to stop and after weeks or months they felt so much better for not drinking that they decided to stay stopped.
I’ll never judge anyone for drinking but I’m always happy for people who’ve decided to stop and have found their lives improved as a result.
This was beautiful! First off, huge congratulations on your sobriety anniversary. I can only begin to imagine the amount of passion and hard work you must have put and continue to put into this achievement.
I knew the band but I didn't know the song. I loved the melody, and the timing of those lyrics couldn't have been better for you considering what you were going through at the time.
Thank you for sharing your story and those of others, for opening up in the way you did and for encouraging so many others who may be going through tough times.
Sorry for my delay in responding, I'm falling behind on my Substack reading a bit and trying to play catchup. Thanks for the congratulations, definitely a big milestone for me. And thanks for your consistent engagement with my writing here, I really appreciate it.
No worries at all! Thanks for your reply 😊
Congrats on 31 years, Mark! Every day's a win.
Thanks Kevin, I appreciate it!
Powerful post, Mark. Vulnerable and so well-written. I am so incredibly proud of you and grateful for your willingness to change and to shoulder the responsibility. I can't imagine my life if you hadn't made it to 30! You inspire me always.
Thanks Al, I appreciate you reading and the kind words. I'm so glad I made it to 30 (and beyond!) and am grateful for our relationship. Not all siblings share such a blessing as we do. Love you
Mark, thank you for sharing so much of yourself here. And congratulations on 31 years sober! Wishing you another 31 at a start.
Regarding your musical questions... yes, I'm familiar with and adore Blues Traveler's album "four". The album is packed with great tracks for me and I'm terrible at choosing and sticking with favorites, so the best I can say is "Just Wait" is usually in my top three. You mentioned your fondness for the track on my sole Blues Traveler post to date: https://musicoftheday.substack.com/p/2-dec-24-blues-traveler-the-mountains-win-again/
I lean in to so many songs I couldn't begin to count them! The one that's been popping up in my head is one I've featured at my place: https://musicoftheday.substack.com/p/27-jan-24-bif-naked-i-love-myself-today
In my head, I change the line "not like yesterday" to "more than yesterday."
Thanks for reading and commenting Jackie, I appreciate it! And thanks for your congratulations and well wishes.
Despite there being half a dozen great tracks on Four, it’s not an album I go back to regularly outside of “Just Wait”, which gets played a lot as it’s on my favorite songs playlist.
I remember that post on Big Naked and I remember really enjoying the song. I like your subtle but powerful change to the lyrics - vey much a progress not perfection feeling to that change.